While most extramarital affairs end up in court houses and eventually in divorce, there are couples who still prefer to slove the problem, together. Healing infidelity is hard; sometimes, it takes time and too much emotional stress to get back at least to an acceptable marital status. Surviving an affair may even not succeed at all. But, those who made it to the end provide good lessons to those who are just beginning to heal the wounds.

1. Assure your partner that you will no longer do it again. Yes, this is the first thing you have to do. Take note that your partner has a lot of doubts on you, so if you want everything fixed, everything must be stopped from meeting, sex, dinner, phone calls, emails, to texting. Cut all the lines, period.

2. Be patient, healing takes time. There is no shortcut to heal the pain and receive forgiveness right away. Your partner may be in deep pain, expect that it will take time before you can receive forgiveness.

3. Take the blame. Pressing all the blame to your spouse will not do anything good. If your partner had an affair but you want to forget what happened, put an end to pointing fingers. If you are the guilty party, accept the responsibility and constantly reassure your partner that you will not commit the same mistake again.

4. Tell your partner what he needs to know. The healing process is much easier when the adulterous spouse answers all the questions requested by his or her betrayed partner.

If you have been hiding information about your personal life, now is the perfect time to share it to your spouse. Your partner will better accept you if there are no more secrets he or she needs to know.

5. Submit yourself to your spouse, completely. Whether you are the betrayed partner, you have a better chance of rebuilding your marriage when you submit yourself completely and promise not to have an affair again. When healing, you must always be ready to talk or [listen hear your partner out] for as long as it takes.

6. Don’t absolve your partner right away. While forgiveness is the only way to save your relationship, it is still must be earned and not to be given easily. Grapple with your pain first and begin to rebuild the trust. Once you have overcome the pain, forgive.

7. Seek help. Get reconnected with your relatives and close friends to help you get through the process and make you feel less isolated.

8. Do something else other than talking about the affair. Spend time with your relatives and partner and do activities you both once enjoyed.

9. Do not forget that it hurts.

Surviving an affair is not very easy; it often invovles rage, pain and tears.Be aware to face them all.

I have been writing blogs about marriage and relationship. I have personally been through a bad experience but have managed to survive an affair.

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